empty regrets

"you're a mess but yes you're beautiful"

tonight was a good night

so me and my former roommate went to a bar/restaurant for dinnner. and it was super crowded because a band was playing. but we just ordered a glass of wine at the bar and then chilled at an empty table. and then this random lady asked if she could sit with us and she bought us each a drink and it was pretty cool and the food was good and so was the band and it was an awesome night. i had a lot of fun.

#personal #good day

what are the chances?

i wonder how much of a coincidence it is that my two best friends from high school are both openly gay now

#and i'm not straight either #my best friends are amazing #personal

homelessness?

i don’t really even know why i’m going to this job interview tomorrow. i’m like 90% sure i don’t even want the job already. it’s most likely a temporary thing. it probably only pays like $20,000/year, which really is less than i would like to make. i probably don’t actually have a place to live in buffalo immediately. the list of issues goes on and on. yet i am still waking up mega early tomorrow morning to drive an hour and a half for this interview. i know i am supposed to ask more questions ahead of time to work out all those details ahead of time, but for some reason i just want to go. maybe it’s just because i want to get away, or be independent. i just really wanna move out ugh. or maybe i miss buffalo. this is probably true, since i’ve felt homeless ever since i moved. plus i still talk about it like it’s my city and i live there. i’ll be having a conversation with my mom about whatever and i will be like “we have that too”. by “we” i mean, in buffalo. but i’m not living there anymore. i guess i’m just not used to it yet. i want to go “home” but that place really doesn’t exist. i’ve never really felt like this before but i really hate this “homelessness” feeling and i want it to go away.

#personal #buffalo #personal

falling asleep

i like it better when i fall asleep talking to you because then i don’t have to worry about the sadness overwhelming me.

#personal

things I never told my parents

I had a “boyfriend” in seventh grade. I was too afraid to give him my phone number, so we “broke up.”

I thought I understood love at age fifteen. I was wrong.

I almost left this world at age seventeen.

My first boyfriend and I didn’t break up mutually. He was an abusive asshole.

I’ve done some things I regret.

The reason I don’t talk to those people anymore is rooted in all the other things on this list.

I was only nineteen years old the first time I got drunk.

I’m not religious anymore. I don’t know that I ever was.

No, I never really stopped. Old habits die hard.

I used to take caffeine pills, until I accidentally on purpose overdosed.

I’m not straight. It took me years to come to terms with myself on this subject.

I’m not a virgin and I am perfectly happy with it.

I have thrown up from drinking too much.

Yes, we do actually sleep in the same bed.

I cry myself to sleep more often than not.

I still fight battles every day.

#personal

now that my boyfriend has snapchat i think i’m going to be getting a lot more nudes…

#personal #snapchat

i am so sad. this can’t be over. make it stop.

#personal #graduation

yesterday was so nice out we went on a bike ride to mississippi muds and i got a milkshake and we hung out in nia-wanda park and it was delish. and there was ice in the niagara river for some reason? but whatever. and it was so much fun even though i got sunburnt but i got to wear my new dress later and i just wish it would be nice weather all the time.

#personal

the weather is fucking with my emotions so much i can’t stand it ugh.

#personal #weather