coming back here made me realize how much this place sucks
i hate it here. i want out now.
i love my friends
now that i am here in buffalo with my friends i feel sooo much better about life and everything. also, i feel actually at home, not like the “home” with my family. i just want to stay here. i’m almost happy :)
emotional rollercoaster
tonight was an emotional rollercoaster. i had anger, sadness, depression, and even a bit of happiness. he made my world shatter into misery. you made me the happiest person ever for a short instant, and i thank you for that. your existence makes my life better even at the worst times :)
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Bayside
—How to Fix Everything
The sharper the edge, the cleaner the wound
So I’ll be keeping it dull tonight for I deserve to hurt
Disfigure the outside to show how ruined I am
There’s no pain and no pleasure when you’re too numb to feel
There’s a pedestal across the room
And if I try to climb again this time the fall is fatal
Now, I don’t deserve such an easy exit
So maybe my spine can snap on impact and I’ll have to crawl away
I’m ready to take that big step
Start tearing off the layers I put up
Or is it too late to be anything but what I am
Identify the problem, now let’s see if we can fix anything
Just close the door and let me do what I need
Cause it’s better for us if you just let me leave
I’m ready to take that big step
Start tearing off the layers I put up
Or is it too late to be anything but what I am
Identify the problem, now let’s see if we can fix anything
How to fix everything…
who invented summer?
i hate that person
i don’t know who i am anymore
i feel like i’ve been pretending to be someone i’m not for so long. i have changed. and now i don’t know who i am and what’s me and what’s just an act. i don’t know if i can/want to go back or who i even want to be. life is so difficult.
haven’t exercised since all that biking my one week off
why? because i’m lazy. and i come home from work and i just wanna relax. i am so out of shape. oh well, i can’t say i didn’t try at all…
i love emma watson, she is so beautiful
(via mscrawleys)
the sadness is painful
…and i don’t like it
i can’t do this anymore
i know tomorrow’s supposed to be “better” or whatever because it’s not the weekend anymore and that means i’ll spend the majority of the day at work instead of surrounded by these people i hate called my family, but just the thought of spending 8 hours at work is exhausting. i always say i love my job, but honestly, i don’t really care anymore. i have no idea what i want to do with the rest of my life, with my career. but lately i’ve been thinking of going in a whole different direction. i hate chemistry, and i don’t want to really go into science anymore; it doesn’t appeal to me career-wise. so why am i doing this job, doing research for 40 hours a week, is beyond me. i guess for the money, and to get away. and also i suppose to pretend that i still like it. but i can’t really fool myself anymore. i figured out that’s what i’ve been doing for a while now, just pretending that what everyone else was saying was true, that i do like chemistry and i want to do that and get a good career and such. but i’m tired of other people running my life and telling me what to do. i’m my own person, and i’m gonna do whatever the fuck i want.
gahhh i just don’t know what to do with myself. what to do for the next 80 days until i go back to school. maybe i’m just depressed, but i really see no point in any of this at all. wow i guess this kind of turned into a rant. oh well